Breaking the Silence
Expressing Yourself in Relationships

Ever wondered why it’s so hard to express our truth?

Two main reasons behind it and how we can overcome them.

Why is it so hard to tell our partner the truth about what we’re thinking and feeling? At first, it seems easier to stay silent—avoid conflict, avoid discomfort. But what happens when we hide our truth?

A thought about our partner lingers in the background, creeping in again and again. The more we press it away, the louder it gets. Over time, those unspoken thoughts give rise to emotions—resentment, frustration—that slowly start to create an internal separation between me and my partner.

At some point, we can no longer hide our emotions. They begin to surface, and something as small as unwashed dishes can suddenly explode into a much bigger issue, fueled by all the unspoken thoughts and feelings we’ve been suppressing. 

But all this because of just some dishes?
Let me put it this way: it’s never truly about what it seems to be about. There’s always something deeper beneath the surface. Those difficult situations with our partner are actually reflections of what’s within us—parts of ourselves that are asking to be acknowledged, heard, and released.
We are making a mess out of it because we are hiding it. 

But why are we doing this? Why is it so hard to speak up? Why can’t we just say what’s on our mind and what emotion is rising in me? Why is it so difficult to be vulnerable?  
 

What Stops Us from Speaking Our Truth?

Let’s take a journey back in time for our first example. Think about when you were a child—those moments when your parents didn’t accept the way you were. Maybe you were feeling angry, sad, afraid, or just being loud. Perhaps you wanted to wear the clothes you chose or play the way you wanted. Back then, when we were children we expressed our truth freely; we couldn’t hold back our emotions, and we acted on what was alive within us without any filter.

Children are beautifully authentic—they don’t wear masks. When we look at a child we will always know how a child feels because they express what is alive within them openly and honestly. But this raw expression can sometimes be challenging for parents. When parents are overwhelmed—perhaps due to work or strained relationships—they might respond by silencing the child, sending them to their room. They punish the child by withdrawing their love, but for the child, the love of their parents feels essential to their safety and belonging. This creates a deep longing, driving the child to do whatever it takes to regain that love.

These moments from childhood may not always be consciously remembered, but they leave deep marks. They teach individuals that being themselves—expressing their feelings and thoughts—isn’t always acceptable. Over time, they learn to hold back and suppress what is alive within them. And it doesn’t stop there. Because the child is desperately longing for the love of their parents, they begin to adapt. If love isn’t given for who they are, they change themselves to fit the mold of what their parents approve of. If their parents didn’t accept the artist, the musician, the playful side, the creator, or even the angry or sad parts of them, those aspects are buried. 

From this point onward, they begin to drift away from their true selves, striving to become a version that feels acceptable in the hopes of finally earning their parents’ love.

We start wearing masks to fit in, and this pattern often continues throughout life—not just within the family, but also in school, friends, sports, social circles, political parties, workplaces and so on. When we fail to fit in, the unresolved feelings from childhood resurface: worthlessness, sadness, anger, or a deep sense of being wrong.

In today’s world, there are countless opportunities to find communities where people feel like they belong. But the question remains: Is that truly their authentic self? Or is it the version of themselves just to fit in and to be accepted by others? That’s a deeper topic for another time.

The less love they received in childhood, the more they try to fill that void through others, and the greater their fear of expressing their truth becomes, as they learned early on that being authentic could lead to rejection.

This creates a deeply ingrained belief in their unconscious that their true self isn’t acceptable, leaving them feeling worthless and constantly seeking acceptance from others.

And every person, to a certain degree, carries a longing for approval—from friends, partners, children, or even through achievements in work or sports. This stems from the lack of love everyone carries from their childhood. It doesn’t mean that if this lack of love were fully healed, we would stop striving or helping others. It simply means we would be at peace with any outcome—free of expectation—allowing us to follow what we truly desire.

However, there is no need to be angry at their parents—parents can only give what they themselves received during their own childhood. The good news is that we don’t need to go back to their parents to ask them for their love. We can give it now to ourselves.

But how?
The answer lies in what you’ve been trying to avoid all along—yes, in the rejection itself. Within that rejection is your gift.

When someone rejects you, it often brings up buried emotions from your childhood. Instead of numbing those feelings with distractions like Netflix or junk food, you have the opportunity to sit with them. Those feelings of sadness or anger are a direct connection to your inner child—the part of you that once felt unseen, unloved, or worthless. By being present with these emotions, you show your inner child that they are safe and loved. You become the source of love your inner child has been longing for.

By bringing your awareness to the moments when you feel rejected and staying present with the emotions that arise, you may uncover parts of yourself that were pushed down in childhood because they weren’t accepted by your parents. Over time, you’ll notice a transformation as you begin to rebuild your self-worth and self-esteem. The love you give yourself starts to heal and fill the void left by your childhood experiences. Needing less and less approval from others, you can reconnect with your true self and rediscover the parts of you that were hidden away to gain acceptance. You will become more authentic and less afraid to express what’s alive within you. WE realize that if someone rejects us for being our true self, it’s okay—because we’ve learned to be there for us, not needing the love from  others. And if someone can’t accept you as you are, that person simply isn’t meant to be in your life.

When you learn to love yourself exactly as you are, you no longer feel the need to change or suppress who you are to gain approval. You become free to live authentically, express your truth, and finally be the person you were always meant to be.

Instead of tiptoeing around in your relationship, trying to avoid conflict or hiding parts of yourself, you can show up authentically as the person you truly are. By expressing what is alive within you—your thoughts, feelings, and needs—you create openness and ease in the relationship. This authenticity fosters connection and understanding, bringing you closer together instead of allowing unspoken tensions to create separation.

This is the major obstacle that often blocks us from moving forward. However, the next one, while it may seem minor, has been a powerful tool for me and my clients in learning to express what is truly alive within me.

We often hear the phrase, ‘We should express our truth,’ but is it really the truth? Is it reality? Or are our thoughts merely a narrative—a story shaped by our past experiences, rooted in what we learned and absorbed during childhood? Recognizing that our thoughts are not necessarily our truth helps us see more clearly, giving us the freedom to question and explore what is truly present within us.

​

The Stories Your Mind Creates: Separating Thoughts from Truth

To understand this better, let’s take a brief dive into psychology. Our sense of self—essentially, how we see ourselves, how we interpret the world around us, and how we interact with others—is not something we’re born with. It develops over time and is shaped by the experiences we’ve had and the stories we’ve absorbed from our past.

As children, we learn how to behave, what’s acceptable or unacceptable, and even how to perceive ourselves—whether we’re good or bad, capable or incapable deserving or unworthy, lovable or unlovable, strong or weak, and even how we view success, failure, how we act in relationships, how we perceive the entire world is shaped by a past story. And we pick up those stories from our parents, caregivers, teachers, and the culture we grow up in. Over time, these external influences form a ‘lens’ through which we see the world, shaping how we perceive and respond to situations. 

“For example, if you grew up in a household where one parent was always working, you might internalize the belief that your value comes from working tirelessly and providing for others. If your mother had difficulty trusting men, you might unknowingly adopt that same belief, carrying a sense of distrust into your own relationships without even realizing its origin. Or, if your parents only praised you when you achieved something, like getting good grades or excelling in sports, you might come to believe that your worth is tied to your accomplishments. As an adult, this could show up as perfectionism or a relentless need to prove yourself. The list goes on, as these patterns take countless forms in our lives.

When we talk about our sense of self, we’re really talking about a structure that has been built by past experiences and beliefs—many of which we’re not even aware of. This ‘story’ from our past affects how we interpret our surroundings and how we show up in our daily lives.

So, we end up confusing our thoughts and emotions with who we are, rather than recognizing the truth—that our mind is simply interpreting the surroundings and creating a story based on past experiences. When we identify with our thoughts as if they define us, it becomes easy to start questioning ourselves: ‘Why am I thinking this? What’s wrong with me?’ And if we can’t trust our own thoughts, how could we ever feel comfortable sharing them with others?

Let’s explore an example. Imagine you’re feeling frustrated because you believe your partner isn’t doing enough around the house. 

You know this thought isn’t helpful, but it keeps coming up and after a while it will create tension. By exploring the thought and the emotions behind, you might realize this thought comes from what you learned as a child. Maybe your dad always said, ‘A woman’s job is to clean,’ while men have to bring the money home. 

As you see, this belief has nothing to do with you or your partner, more with the beliefs of your parents and the social system they grow up in. Our mind is simply interpreting the situation as ‘not right’ based on a different belief that was ingrained during childhood. Stories like this show up in our lives, and we might perceive it as normal, fully believing what our mind tells us. We might think, ‘Men can’t cook,’ ‘I can’t trust men,’ ‘Men are emotionally unavailable,’ or ‘Women are less capable,’ and so on. But these are just beliefs stored in our subconscious. The more we believe these thoughts, the more we unconsciously attract people and situations that reinforce them.

But let's not go deeper into this topic. This will be an extra blog soon!  

Let's go back to our thoughts about the cleaning. This thought that my partner does less for the household will pop up again and again until you might get a cleaner, you separate or you could tell her: ‘You know what is funny, my mind keeps creating this thought that you should do more around the house. When I ignore it, it comes again and again in my mind and it creates a separation between us.
 

When both partners are aware about how our mind works, there will be no space for blaming or judging. By just speaking it out loud and bringing awareness into it, will bring so much ease to the relationship. It also becomes the first step toward healing and integrating whatever has happened in the past. By exploring the thought further and embracing the emotions that arise, we can begin to release old beliefs and patterns. This shared exploration turns a moment of conflict into an opportunity for connection and healing.
Never take your thoughts too seriously. Not only will your relationships improve, but love itself will feel much easier when you begin to see the truth about what your mind is creating.

Conclusion: 

So, at the end of the day, communicating your truth isn’t just about telling your partner what’s on your mind—it’s about understanding where your thoughts and feelings come from. It’s about breaking free from the beliefs that were passed down to you, facing those old emotions with compassion, and giving yourself the love you’ve been seeking all along.

Imagine what’s possible when both you and your partner approach each other with this level of awareness. No more blaming, no more judging—just curiosity, honesty, and a shared commitment to healing and connection. That unwashed dish? It’s no longer a ticking time bomb. Instead, it becomes an opportunity to explore, to grow, and maybe even to laugh together.

So, take a breath, turn inward, and start with yourself. Because when you’re able to love and accept who you are, expressing your truth becomes a natural extension of that love. And in that truth, you create space for the kind of relationship where both of you can thrive—not as perfect people, but as perfectly imperfect humans, learning and growing together.

And hey, next time you find yourself frustrated over the dishes, just remember: it was never really about the dishes, was it?